Well, today is the first of the new year. Some say when a new year starts, it's okay to let go of the old. There is only one problem with that, though. When you let go of the old, the very thing that is keeping you in the now, go with it. Then again, there are others who say that’s not all that bad because you can recreate your newness in the now in some way. It just depends on how one sees themselves to know for sure what is best for themselves. To me, however, this is just like any other day. It is not all that special. I have more important things to think about, like being a caregiver to my mother or trying to help my brother in some way.
Hell, even right now, I have an Operation called Operation Homestead. No one knows about it, or what it is for, so I will not talk about it here. What I will say is that it’s one of three Operations that I hope will make this family more of a family, but I’m not sure. The word family has not felt like a word I can say with confidence for years now. Well, not since the old man died anyway. Being the oldest of the kids while attempting to be the old man of the family only adds to everything else I'm doing. I guess only time will tell if I can pull it off or not.
Right now, I do worry about my brother, but I don’t tell him that. There are times I wonder if he has a place to stay. There are times I wonder if he lost his job because of me or our mother. There are times I wonder if he’s holding things back because he doesn’t want me or our mother to worry about him. I do wish he had better timing when he calls, but he hasn’t called since the 26th of last month. I don’t know when it would be a good time to call him, either, so I have to watch his Facebook page and see when he makes a post. He keeps telling me that I’m a good brother, but there are times I don’t feel like I’m a good brother.
I mean, after all, I have altogether three brothers (two of whom are half-brothers) and one half-sister. I worry about them all. My half-sister wants nothing to do with me due to what my stepmother and her sister said, did, or both. My half-brothers, I’m told, want nothing to do with me due to what my stepmother has told them. I have also been told that half-brothers do want something to do with me, or at the very least, my brother. It’s hard to tell who to believe anymore when it comes to my half-sister or half-brothers. I used to be able to see my half-brothers through my stepmother's Facebook page, but she has since deleted it for one reason or another. My guess is my stepmother finally realized what she was posting could be used against her, but it was too late, as some of the posts she made had been screenshot. Speaking of which, I need to see if my mother wants to go to that court or not, and if so, I need to set up a calendar and an automation in Home Assistant.
In the end, it is what it is, and there is nothing I can do about it.